Trenton Makes, The World Takes

This morning in lieu of working, I took some time to think about Trenton, NJ. This sort of thing happens to me from time to time, even though I haven’t lived in NJ for more than 3 years now, and have never actually set foot in Trenton. (I drove around it a few times when I was doing things like driving on  I-95 North when it suddenly became I-295 South for some ungodly reason, that sort of thing.)

Anyhow, something will just catch my eye or my thoughts, and then I’ll be thinking about Trenton. In this case it was a letter I’ve received from the State of New Jersey Department of the Treasury. Anyway, I dealt with that and then I wrote a letter to Trenton NJ, which I want to share with the world.

Before I share that though, now that I-95/I-295 thing is bothering me again, so here’s a map, tell me this isn’t spectacularly idiotic:

Click/tap to embiggen this map

Really, you’re just driving along I-95 North, and with no warning the signage suddenly says I-295 TO I-95 left 3 lanes, then you go past an exit and you see a sign saying you’re on I-295 South and you feel like you blacked out for an hour and have no clue what’s going on.

It’s almost more traumatic if you’re on I-295 North going the other way, as they don’t even deem it important enough to tell you what’s going on, you are merrily driving along on I-295 NORTH having just left Philadelphia 30 minutes prior maybe trying to go to a city north of there, say New York City or something like that, so you’re all cool, I’ll connect back up to I-95 and that goes to NYC so man this’ll be good, when suddenly and with no warning (remember, you’re on I-295 NORTH) you see something like:

Oh god oh god oh god why why I just left there and didn’t even turn once

I know it’s more traumatic because that’s what happened the FIRST time I discovered this nightmare with Trenton at the middle of it all. And if you consult the earlier map, you’ll see that you’re going WAY out of the way now.

But, I digress… Here’s what I came here to post, my love letter to Trenton:


PO BOX 277
TRENTON, NJ 08695-0277

RE: Taxpayer ID  B 200-53X-XXX/000
RE: Case No 8
RE: Your letter of July 9th, 2014



Enclosed is the requested 2013 CBT-100S for 1/14-3/14, as well as a check for $375 drawn on another account as the corporation has long since ceased operations and has no accounts of its own.

There was no payroll for the period, as the corporation was inactive.

Please process at your earliest convenience.

On a personal note, I am truly looking forward to receiving the tax clearance certificate that I’ve been trying to get for what seems like forever now, in order to dissolve this corporation and be finally finished with our dealings with Trenton. I am also hoping my memory of these dealings will quickly recede, as nightmares are wont to do. (What I mean is that even though this all feels like a special brand of nightmare, I am hoping it’s just a regular nightmare.)


Kurt Koller


Feature image by William F Yuraskoused under CC / BY  Modified from original, including cropping and believe it or not brightening it up a bunch
Update: found this on the “future” section of the NJDOT website, so apparently they plan to one day correct that road nightmare. The I-295 history on Wikipedia is funny, funny in that painful way when pain is funny. I like this statement in the Future section: “This option would reduce the confusion of having I-295 parallel itself in New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
The future route of I-95
The future route of I-95

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